MillerCoors announced that it discontinued Zima as of October 10th. This underscores several holes in my alcoholic beverage knowledge. First, that Zima was still being produced at all. Second, that it was owned by MillerCoors. And lastly, that Miller and Coors are apparently the same company, or at least have a combined venture.

Zima was an odd drink - not quite a wine cooler, but not quite a beer. According to Man Law, there are only two instances where a man can drink a wine cooler. The first is if he's a homosexual - in which case Man Law doesn't technically apply anyways. The second is if all other alcohol in the house (or at the party) has been consumed (including such mixer only liquors like Triple Sec) and every man there is too drunk to drive a car efficiently. In this last instance - assuming that it was a woman who brought the wine coolers to the occasion - men are in the clear to drink wine coolers.

Zima created a tense atmosphere of curiousity with its unique nature. Blue collar workers stuck to beer. Rich people stuck to whatever it is rich people drink. But those 'tweener yuppies who lost their hearts in the 70's and their souls in the 80's migrated to Zima to declare their coolness. But let's be honest, only one man can look cool drinking a Zima, and that's Christian Bale in his pre-Batman, Patrick Bateman days.

Zima did open up the floodgates for malternative beverages. The Vanilla Ice of clear malt beverages paved the way for the likes of Mike's Hard Lemonade and Smirnoff Ice - both of which were slightly more acceptable - according to Man Law - for white guys to drink.

So Zima might be dead, but long live the clear beverage generation. I, for one, am hoping for a Crystal Pepsi comeback.